For the spicy coleslaw dressing, combine the Mayonnaise, sour cream, apple cider vinegar, Dijon mustard, white granulated sugar, Kosher salt, freshly-ground black pepper, celery seed, red pepper flakes, chopped jalapenos, and hot sauce.
Taste the dressing, and adjust the salt or sugar or acidity levels as desired.
Set the dressing aside in the fridge for when you are done preparing your vegetables.
For the remaining coleslaw ingredients, slice the cabbage finely, along with the carrots, red onions, and celery.
Salt the vegetables lightly in a large mixing bowl, and set them aside for fifteen minutes.
Discard any extra liquid that has drained from the salted vegetables, and combine the vegetables with the coleslaw dressing that you prepared earlier.
Add in the chopped parsley and fresh dill, and mix to evenly distribute all the ingredients.
Taste, and add more Kosher salt, freshly-ground black pepper, sugar, or apple cider vinegar as desired.